she sits

she twists her hair until it binds her hand
in the scuffed corner of some espresso dive
not quite alive but still smouldering,
ember poised over a bland paperback
shades in place despite the hour.

panhandlers do their rounds at the outer tables
partly warded off by the approach of staff
she moves her bag with her feet without changing her stare
her brown strands stay wound like a rope

i glance over my copy of the stranger
shifting my chair with unease
her pale knees closed as if asleep
the breeze from the fan
shuffles the smoke from her face
the place where interest should be
is erased from memory

i circle the word 'deceased' to remind me
like the brown foam on the sides of my bowl
the past is a hole
it hungers and prowls like the haze of dead cigarettes
wiping yellow residue on walls and over eyes
before it lies at your feet and growls when you move.
she watches it linger with the last of her storyline.

a late bus groans by with a howl of air
and the waiter begins his wipedown
the town barely slows in the dark
the glow of coffee hues the skyline
as mercury halos spotlight sooty figures
passing absently beyond the glass

i find no excuse to remain
but she feigns a dream state
insect eyes fixed on the horizon
a model's pose awaiting immortality.

13/1/05

Who says the British Education System isn't Working?

This young lady saved 100 lives when she noticed the water being sucked away from the beach in a funny way while holidaying in Phuket.

Now if only the Pacific Tsunami Warning Center in Hawaii could have been as responsive, more than 100,000 people could still be alive...

I'm on holiday

Please leave a message at the sound of the...

Hail, hail. Summer is here

Christmas time in NZ is usually the time to go out to the parc, to play in the sprinklers and have barbeques with the family and friends.

This year, however, it has been raining and hailing. Needless to say, people are expecting a white Christmas this year.

I'm just hoping for a bit of heat so I can wear my shorts outside...

Finally...

...some good news.

I can't believe it

WTF!?

Remains

The radio crackles though wood grain speakers
And I laze with the windows open
Sun drowsing the flies until they walk
Pictures fade in the glare on the west wall

The cedar tree in the front yard tips towards the house
Roots sprawled in the heat clasp the spongy earth
The low roof glances down in silence
To where tomato vines once clung to string

The small bedroom feels hollow
With the mattress lying on the floor
Empty closets behind closed doors resound
The last footsteps in this final act

Cracked weatherboards patched for the sale
Are pale with their mask of paint
Memories that remain faint sketches when covered
Read like stories in the dents and etches

Those with history here can see them
Even the ones burned in the rusted oil barrel
And the sound of almost feral bursts of laughter
Recalled by the ears and nerves who heard

For the man who lived here died here
And left his soul here
Mainly in the dried lawn cut while it was green
And in the screen of a hedge encircled like a fortress wall
That made the large world
The brutal world
Seem more assuring and small.

13/12/04

love and revolution

i know i've been slack at keeping up with things lately. this has something to do with renovating my home - a project which is finally near completion. i've been reading through a really amazing essay on the nature of greed and smithian economics, and i hope to post something about it in the near future.

until then, here's an item from the washington post on people who have fallen in love and married during the historical protests in the ukraine. i just hope these young people understand that the romance associated with revolution can dissipate once the mundane resumes. though, that said, i don't believe in sure things. either their love will survive the years or it won't...

Who said bigger is better?

Americans are getting fatter.

I am totally gobsmacked...

U2 dismantles their dangerous nature

like a lot of internet punters, i have been fortunate enough to come across a copy of U2's latest effort, "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" (HTDAB). initial listenings of the album didn't impress me, although subsequent ones embedded 'Vertigo' into my mental muzac despite a certain meaninglessness to the lyrics - in other words it succeeded as a pop song. most of the songs fall into this category: fairly catchy, safe lyrically and musically and sounding like the U2 that we used to know and love.

although my initial impression was relatively harsh, i still stand behind what i've written (which i've included below) - the release is only impressive if you look at it in terms of the fact that U2 has been around for 25 years and is still making music people will flock to record stores to buy. i'm sure fans will love the album and pack stadiums to see the mythical four perform. they definitely deserve induction into the rock'n'roll hall of fame. that said, this recording doesn't do or say anything new. saying it is a rehash may be too harsh - it is more like a familiar revisitation packaged for commercial consumption.

i can't help but feel somewhat let down by this bland effort which to me pales against classics like "War" "Joshua Tree" and "Achtung Baby". it is also utterly straight-laced (and almost simplistic) compared to the self-reflexive, somewhat dangerous semi-arthouse pop of “Zooropa” and “Pop”. i’m sure bono could go into the complexities and nuances of his lyrics on HTDAB, but as a listener and long time fan, there is not enough to maintain my interest lyrically. then again it is easy for me to be critical being that it is not my album yielded from years of time and effort.

would i go to see U2 in concert given the chance? hell yes. their live performances rock, and they have a mountain of fantastic material to perform. case in point, they recently appeared on the american tv show "Satuday Night Live" and performed three songs on air to rapturous crowds (most perform two) - they played more, but they had to cut off the live feed at 1am. they are legendary musicians and are worth seeing if you have a chance.

that said, i still don't think i could part with the money to buy their latest record. some might say that i’m the one playing it safe by only listening to previous efforts. but i do it in order to maintain a sense of nostalgia about the band i grew up with - one with a rebel spirit and a certain amount of pomposity that embraced the personal and the mystical, the earthly and the divine, the serious and the self-ridiculing to create music that resonates with me. the stuff i hear now is more like rock echoes of the spirit that i used to enjoy so much: it is familiar but ultimately empty.

-cyrusout

posted in blogcritics.org 19/11/04:

i have listened to the album a few times now and my opinion hasn't changed much even though i just caught myself humming the chorus to vertigo...i find that the sound is a polished return to the original U2 sound a la "Boy" with hints of "War" and "Joshua Tree". that said, i found nothing quite as stunning or exciting as on the earlier efforts.

bono's vox sounds a bit strained most of the time and his lyrics don't have that same exciting insightful thoughtfulness as some of the classic U2 tracks. it's almost like they have sold out and are trying very hard to be "U2-ish" in order to prove they haven't lost their soul as a band. most of their lyrics amount to fairly clichéd platitudes about love, god and the world. gone are the statements about politics, the stories of people they knew, and the country they grew up in - in short their sincerity.

pretty music aside, the blandness of the songs makes me indifferent about this effort, which i'm sure will still garner the enthusiasm of fans who really want to like the album and thus get a ton of airplay. i mean, this is 'U-bloody-2' we're talking about, and we are only mere mortals.

don't get me wrong, i really like the musical aspect of the album - it's very clear and cohesive, drawing on the roots of the band's spirit. it's just they lyrics and bono's voice which bother me. although i've had trouble adjusting to all the changes the band have gone through in their lengthy evolution, i've had to respect their drive for some artistic expression, always pushing the boundaries of what they had known and what their fans would tolerate. but this "return" to U2 roots misses lyrically to the same extent that it hits musically. i found nothing soulful, profound, or even vaguely interesting - just a bunch of U2-like songs that wash over me like flotsam and are quickly forgotten.

i think the lyrics of the song "One Step Closer" pretty much sum up where the band is at this point:

"i'm on an island in a busy intersection/ i can't go forward now/ can't turn back/ can't see the future/ it's getting away from me / just watch the taillights glowing/ one step closer to knowing..."

i think we are one step closer to knowing they are only going through the motions.

A Game for All Urban Liberal Democrats (and anyone else who wonders about the American Electoral process)

Here's a game anyone can play to give Bush a brain. See what happens when he gets one. If only it were that easy...

Thanks to DS for this cool link :)

this is something that i thought i would only read about in america

straight from the nz press, a woman has been breastfeeding her staffordshire bull terrier pup in order to raise it as part of her family. how strange is that?

this one of the few pieces of writing that i've seen the word "bitch" used in its proper context...

give us your tired, your huddled masses...

a few months ago, i was surprised to get an e-mail from a friend out of the blue. he said that if a certain texan got re-elected in the states, he was looking to move out of the country, possibly to nz. also, during a news item post election, an older guy (a probable kerry supporter) was being interviewed about what he was going to do, and he said he was moving to new zealand. what is it about our fair country here that makes it look like a haven for the disaffected and displaced? could it be our clean, green image a la nuclear-free stance, or is it the regions of vast untamed nature as showcased in LOTR, or could it be the fact that we have a female prime minister who runs a government with leftist leanings? maybe it's just that we're a relatively developed english speaking country far away from everyone else. who really knows.

being an ex-pat living in godzone for the last 10 years, i can say with some certainty that it is a much better place to live if you like a less frenetic pace with fewer people and a more relaxed outlook on life. i think feedback like this has filtered back to the states and has triggered some interest in migrating here.

along that line, this article from an nz magazine called the Listener extends the offer of asylum to all the democrats out there who might be looking for some shelter from the republican storm battering the shores of the american continent and beyond.

so why not consider nz? sure our broadband is expensive and you might not be able to find a starbucks on every corner (yet), but we're good folk, even despite the fact that our sheep sometimes make world news...

how long does it take...

... to fall to the ground if you fell out of an airplane at high altitude? approximately 4 minutes and 15 seconds. how do i know this? from the latest music video from the kiwi band Fur Patrol, of course...

btw you'll need quicktime to see this one. enjoy!

Coke: Kills Bugs Dead

a friend told me recently my blog is a bit oblique in places. fair enough. my political leanings are not going to agree with everyone. in fact, i like the spur of an issue to stir up a good debate. that said, i think it is time to take a break from ranting and just focus on the humorous and mundane.

here's a news item out of india about how coke and pepsi are enjoying a boom among farmers who are using the beverage as a pesticide.

and to think i know people who drink the stuff by the truck load. i suppose there is no chance of them getting any internal parasites...

i must like ranting

here's an editorial that i wrote for a NY Times forum on the iraq occupation. it was longer, but the forum had a max length of 4000 characters. it forced me to pair things down a bit and get rid of unnecessary words. it's good - i need to learn to get to the point sooner...

-cyout

a war for democracy?

i cannot understand, from a historical perspective, how the bush administration believes that by invading another country and pummelling it into submission it can create a setting fertile for democracy. does it plan on killing every "insurgent" or "rebel" it comes across? these people have families and friends. how much more likely is it that new insurgents will be created by the killing of the old ones?

we use words like ‘rebel’, ‘insurgent’, or even ‘terrorist’ as ways to dehumanise others and make them worthy of mortal retribution, but they are still people with families and stories about how they came to be where they are. in iraq, the reality is that people are killing people, but in the west, as long as we see them as less than righteous and our gas and shopping prices remain the same, we don't seem to mind. the conflict is "over there" with some backward fundamentalist towel-heads who need to be smacked upside the head to understand what a great thing democracy is.

what if america was invaded? what if china, russia and germany felt that the united states was evil and took unilateral action to shut down its program to manufacture weapons of mass destruction and free us from the rule of our war-mongering president. what if, as a result, most of the country was bombed and shot up until the infrastructure collapsed and foreign forces occupied us. would there be american resistance? absolutely. would we be labelled as insurgents and rebels by the occupying force? without a doubt. would we feel just cause to see the occupiers as invaders rather than liberators? more than likely. would we hate those who killed our families and friends? yes. so what is the difference between us and the people in iraq? why can't most americans see the other side of the story?

in the movie, "three kings" during the interrogation scene between mark wahlberg's character, troy, and the iraqi soldier, the soldier asks him how he would feel if he bombed and killed troy’s newborn daughter like the US bombed and killed the soldier's year-old son. troy answered, "worse than death."

many of the iraqi people have been bombed, shot, maimed and terrorised, their homes destroyed or damaged, their safety threatened or taken away completely, and their families fractured by death. their infrastructure barely functions, and they are being occupied by a force that does not understand them nor even like them. despite this, i still hear americans ask "why do they not feel grateful?"

if the expression of true democracy is "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" then how can you create that with death, occupation and the destruction of stability? some might say that the end justifies the means, but others would reply that the means make who we are in the end.

the question is this: is the united states a true democracy that fosters freedom and cooperation through egalitarian means, or are we a self-serving nation with nationalistic imperatives that uses democracy as a storefront to sell our own agenda to the rest of the world?

before the invasion if iraq, i would have had a much more optimistic view. since then, however, the unilateral action taken by the US based on trumped up lies about WMD and the subsequent economic costs and loss of human lives as well as the thriving of terrorist networks and a reduction of world economic and political stability, i would say that the great democracy that was america is at least unwell, if not worse, a shadow of its former self.

my hope is that by establishing some discussion we can re-create the moderate milieu that bush’s administration has all but destroyed and re-establish a spirit of cooperation more characteristic of democracy. then rather than live in a world of polar opposites that undermine each other and wreak havoc through acts of destruction, we can work towards a world that has an enduring stability fostered by a sense of respect for human life and the sanctity of democratic principles.

i've decided...

i am going to become a professional writer. i am going to do what my father should have done many years ago. why? i think for the following reasons:

i have things to say and can say them with a certain degree of proficiency
i come up with ideas that are worth exploring
i like language and expression
i enjoy writing

what are my obstacles:

my lack of self discipline
laziness
procrastination
limited language skills
i don't read very much
need to support my family financially
time and energy

how do i get around my obstacles:

work a little every day
read a few pages every day
use dictionaries
make a deadline
work when i have time

currently i have ideas for 3 novels, 4 feature films, 2 shorts, and half a dozen short stories including a children's book. for goodness sake, i have to write otherwise i'll never be able to read how they end!

anyhow - i thought i'd say it publicly. what better way to kick things off and be on my way.

-cyrusout

american shame

i've watched the country known for democracy and freedom shame itself. it is neither democratic nor free - it is tied by it's nose through the media chain held by the current administration. and where the administration leads, the mindless minions latching like a baby onto the breast of easy slogans and simplistic fears follow.

i am ashamed to be an american today. for the first time i thought about giving away my citizenship. i thought about the embarrasment i will face living abroad as a u.s. citizen.

how can americans be so ignorant, so easily confused by denial, repetitive name calling, and mudslinging to forget the issues, the world circumstances, the deep divisions precipitated by one of the most narrowminded, most war mongering, most self-serving administrations in recent history? how can we want a continuation of war unless we are a nation of redneck simpletons who believe bush's bonanza sherrif "not on my watch" campaign lines? how can we forget the lies and trickery of this administration, shenanigans which have been so transparently obvious and yet somehow rendered unimportant by some well planned sloganeering?

there is no end to the questions which the election results bring up and no answers to satisfy them.

just because bush was able to screw up america and the rest of the world doesn't mean he is the right person to clean up the bloody mess. he has demonstrated no aptitude for creating a moderate milieu to allow for discussion and coalition building. instead he has polarised the world with "if-you're-not-for-us-you're-against-us" threats and struck fear into the heart of other nations with his unilateral military action. no longer is america a leader, but rather the most dangerous nation in the world: paranoid, powerful, myopic, and aggressive, blantantly leveraging those who do not agree with it and fighting those who will not be coerced. can this kind of america put aside war to create stability and soften divisions that are the breeding ground for conflict? hardly likely.

i can only pray in a way that i don't normally pray that somehow the polarisation of opinions and viewpoints reverses and people wake up from this continuing nightmare with the desire in their hearts to look for constructive ways to build accord and rebuild the destruction wreaked by the belligerent actions of an administration that can be easily termed "mentally ill".

to hope that the next four years will be any better than the previous four seems like folly, but hope is all i have left for now. i will watch from my distant vantage point and do the best i can to see beyond the cloud of my current fears. things would be so much simpler if i just believed everything i saw on tv.

-cyrusout

all i can do is wait

with the early results of the election coming in favoring bush, i can't help but feel a sense of dread. reading the news doesn't help. i want it to be over, but over in a sane way rather than the insane option which looks to persist. i guess in the end if calamity is to happen then it is unavoidable.

on that note, here's an article from the onion which might serve as an interesting counterpoint...

mantra

i will live to see the day we return from the landfill clutching a gum wrapper and piece of string
i will live to see the day the serpent rises from my bed and devours me in two bites before watching 'jeopardy' reruns.
i will live to see the day you bring flowers and a blue plastic vase to the pta meeting
i will live to see the day my face withers and sags in the summer heat
i will live to see the day you look at me and think of derelict whitewashed fences
i will live to see the day my children point to me and say "it was his fault"
i will live to see the day i open my mouth and india ink drips from my tongue on to your embroidered doilies
i will live to see the day my past is summed up in a single snapshot
i will live to see the day the stars fall to earth and all property values rise
i will live to see the day i forget my name and stand at the signpost at the bottom of the world and see nothing but the pacific ocean breaking over the volcanic stone and spraying on to my technicolor windbreaker
i will live to see the day i open a box with my name on it and see it empty

all this is nothing more
all this is nothing less
all this is nothing more
all this is nothing less
20/10/04