post 6 a

"There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me.
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea. "

-From "Prufrock", TS Eliot

choice:

it's what i long for.

yet - the problem with choice is the responsibility of having made it, the responsibility of the effects of the choice.

i think as an american i want choice but don't want responsibility

i'll eat my cake but i don't want all those calories

i want to break the rules and not be punished

i want to escape and be free

thus i am indecisive

but responsibility is the given - if i am not responsible then someone else will ultimately be

and then i'd live in fear of reprisal in the intangeable eye of justice -

omnipresent, patient, precise

always pleading

mercy mercy mercy

please please please

so to be different than that i have to think

i have to be willing to accept the results of choice

i have to feel pain and heal

i have to stand up

i have to open my eyes

i have to live

i suppose there isn't really a choice in this matter...