Please leave your message at the sound of the tone...

Here is something peaceful for you to look at while I start to resurface...

This One is Especially for P-Slim and All His Friends at Apple

Gotta admire those guys at Blendtech. You can hear the collective geek consciousness cry out in horror and loss with gnashing of teeth and rending of garments...


Thanks to DD for your eeeevil sense of humor...

Flight of the Conchords

Last year, I was fortunate enough to watch on HBO the 1/2 hour comedy act of New Zealand's 4th most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo, Flight of the Conchords. It was everything I felt comedy should be: understated, intelligent, and hilariously funny.

Now HBO is airing a 12 part comedy series about the two man digi-folk band called, strangely enough, Flight of the Conchords. It follows Bret and Jermaine, the two kiwi band members as they try to establish themselves in the artist capital of the world, New York City.

I saw the first episode, Sally, last night, and although the humor made my wife groan, I found the episode very enjoyable with at least three Conchords musical numbers based around the storyline (or was the storyline based around the musical numbers? probably...). It's definitely worth a watch. In fact you can check out the complete episode here until the second episode comes out next week. Check it out :)

Here is one of my favorite "music video" portions of the show which does a brilliant satire of the cheesy love balad...

Awake in Dallas in the Light Hotel

Awake in Dallas in the Light Hotel
The weight of bed sheets holds me down
This envelope sends me towards unconscious outlines
Where new insights clash with old advice
And past pages turn to ash by firelight

Awake in Dallas in the Light Hotel
Movies are moved into long-term storage
And huddle on the corner of the street
Sharing heat with shards of glass
Passed by cracks in the concrete path

Awake in Dallas in the Light Hotel
A welterweight starved to bone thickness
With sick breathing extends black hands
Covered with duct tape and plastic bags
Asking for one more chance to fight

Awake in Dallas in the Light Hotel
The wood and plaster secrete their smell
Tiles still shed their dust
Washing in repetition only makes them thinner

Awake in Dallas in the Light Hotel
Heads are covered in shame
As games are played to pass the time

Awake in Dallas in the Light Hotel
The clock stares with red eyes

Awake in Dallas
In the Light Hotel
I wait for darkness.

When I'm 64...

Much to my friends' chagrin, I've really enjoyed the CareerBuilder Age-O-Matic Website, where you can upload the photo of any unwitting person and create an aged version of them saying whatever you want them to say....

The Fall Back

The stainless steel turbo prop striped in red, white and blue
Shook in a salted southwesterly blown across the tarmac
As propellers spun in a Utah sputter
Until the plane rolled over the oil stains out of view of the tall window

The blue skies were grey in Nebraska
Overcast snapshots taken in wide angles
Rough stubble of clear cut corn fields
Drowned in sauces and mayonnaise
Steaks marinated for 24 hours in a whiskey still.
The silt was slow to wash away

With Nebraska came the fall backward
Instead of spring there was snow
No sun, only the bright fridge light
Rustic décor and bear handles,
Forrest wallpaper darkened by the blackout curtains

At night I swam against the tide in the tepid pool
And reached the edge of solitude
Where I toweled off and walked barefoot
Silently in the back hallways
Dripping my respite like evidence along the carpeted path.

And finally some Iranian humor...

Here are two quite popular Iranian comics for your viewing pleasure, Omid Djalili and Maz Jobrani. It's good to see something funny coming from the middle-east...

The Unibrow Song

Here's a clever little ditty about an issue that many of the iranian brothas (and sistas) can relate to...

And Speaking of Iran...

I have a friend who works for this interesting organization called the Iran Human Rights Documentation Center. Their goals are to:

* investigate and document human rights abuses in Iran;

* raise international awareness of human rights violations
in Iran and bring pressure to bear on the Iranian government
to end these abuses;

* raise local awareness of human rights violations and
international human rights standards inside Iran; and

* establish an online archive of human rights documents that
can one day be used to develop and support a reckoning
process in Iran.

There is nothing wrong with investigation and fact collection as well as the dissemination of the facts in report form. It is not politics but rather education. I hope that their goals help Iran to transition to a more moderate political climate where human rights are held in higher regard.

Here is a link to their report on the persecution of the largest religious minority in that country, the Baha'i Faith.

Props to NS for raising my awareness.

Hollywood Wages Iranian Cultural Warfare

Apparently the new movie '300' which was just released last weekend is yet another way to wage war on Iran. I haven't seen '300' yet, but I highly doubt it's going to make me think any less of that country than their misplaced polemics do.

The Trip to Candy Mountain

Enjoy this surreal journey to the mystical Candy Mountain probably influenced by happy pink pills. Thanks to nzgurl for giving me the chance enjoy this entertaining trip...

the pileup

a cow moos a tune
imitating a horn
in the bovine traffic jam
on the grass overpass
noses rammed
bumper to bumper
at the toll gate
methane fumes collecting
in the payment of their blood work

rapture redux

toner tantra photocopies the free world
legalities and clauses shopping at ross
mismatched socks walk the checkerboard corridor
under holy cows and sacred drips

the tea sips under shawls before the wrestling knockdown
top hats circle for the shuffle of expository clowns
channel surfing wipe outs burst the beer keg bubble
college students scrutinize collage covered caramel lumps

hotel hellhole in a bagdad camel hump shootout
silent speaker phones stare blown out by psychoactive candles
brass band shindigs gang banging the tuba tube sock baseline
base camp assaults on a contraband blasting cap

derelict dumpster hauls lost in the kabala junk heap
celebrity death wishes caught in the crossfire suicide pact
actors benign motions masturbate corporate riff-raff financiers
spliff smoke chokes the eyesore split screen slow-mo replay

half a day is enough to scuff the shoe black newness from your chaps

maitre'd handshakes the clambake smoke of the guest check replay
levitating the cinder block off your leather high backed excuse
expletive greed grabs words right out of my cerebellum
leaving lily pad liftoffs floating in the frog pond graveyard

cut to commercial

scene 1 ext day - outside jelly mold's home

Theme Song:
happy happy happy hoppy
hoppy hoppy hoppy hoop
sappy sappy sappy soppy
soppy soppy soppy soup
pappy pappy pappy poppy
poppy poppy poppy poop

Fade in:

Bunny suited underpaid actor jumps perkily toward the candy cane gate
wicker basket full of pastel eggs
and flicks the sugar door latch and scratches his rabbit crotch
crocheted curtains part to show the pseudo-plucky girl in a pigtails stare and roll her eyes

POV hothoused rabbit suit:

the lolly swirl door opens and girl with blue checkerboard dress and white pinafore
bounces with double-barreled shotgun knockers and circle blush on pale cheeks

Cut to:

RONNIE RABBIT
Hi! I'm Ronny the Rabbit. You must be Sue!

SUE
(chewing gum and twirling it on her thumb)
Uh huh.

RONNIE RABBIT
Have you been a good girl? I have happy eggs for all the good boys and girls!

SUE
Uh huh.

RONNIE RABBIT
Here. Have a pretty pink one!

Ronnie hands over a large pink egg in his costume mitts to Sue's French manicured paws.
A bit of gum string sticks to his fur.

SUE
(non plussed)
Thanks.

RONNIE RABBIT
(Shaking free of the gum string)
Okay Sue! Have a Happy Super Double-plus Good Easter!

Sue rolls her eyes and closes the door

Cut to:

Ronnie Rabbit in his worn brown costume hopping out the candy gate up the road
He stops and scratches his crotch and turns to wave at Sue in the jelly mold house.

Cut to:
Sue in the window staring up at him and giving him the bird


Cut to:
Ronnie the rabbit shrugging his shoulders and hopping out of frame with the house in the background. Suddenly the house explodes.


Ominous theme music

Fade to black

ANNOUNCER VO
Kids, never take candy from strangers.
Brought to you by the Department of Homeland Security
And now back to our regularly scheduled program...


3
2
1
the sacred and holy shindig shivers with rapture spasms before the revival
revealing recent conversions to fascist eating ho-ho ho-hums
white comatose pawns come kneeling on the pews perfectly
passing time before the gaggle of gods castoff robe wearers
reviews the guest list gore fest before the brimstone buffet
sashay in the finale theme song segue way to the polywoggle breakdown
simulcast simian hand jobs boggle the syphilitic zoo station

nations have waited for the rim of the sun to trim the firebird mantra
only to be left briquettes from the sons of their plethora

Brought to you by Kingsford charcoal: Lights first. Lights fast.

Stay tuned for Paris Hilton in “Bottoms Up”

Ask the Fruitcake Lady

The best of a segment of the Tonight Show where a nonagenarian dishes out advice to her less experienced viewers...

headline hangover

flagging words flap in political filibusters
the ripple of data distillers and economic effervescence
slaps paper handshakes folded on paper stands
guttural rubbish runs parallel to the curb
only disturbed by street walkers washing in troths of chewed cud
music bakeries wafting notes in the chill cacophony
the warm shiver of art on a sliver of concrete
make for contralto breakfast before the news breakdown
in the town of hard-ons and come downs
the phalluses of glass and steel protruding and teeming
pointing to a sky that stares vacantly blue.

morning arrival

we barely move in the aluminum tube
rebreathing the air of hundreds before
and when the doors slide open
we overflow the tile platform
rushing the escalators and stairs
a reverse waterfall

The Cost of Fat Airline Passengers

Although it makes perfect sense, a report came out recently which states how much money airlines are having to spend on extra fuel costs to fly overweight passengers. Although the logical thing to do is to charge portly people more than skinny people for airline tickets, chances are they will just offer discounts for those whose poundage is not quite so burdensome...

Poetic Rendering

I posted a poem a little while back called Hobo Humanity. It was fairly talky and unpoetic in traditional terms, even if it expressed an emotion that I felt at the time.

Someone recommended rendering it down into something more poetic, and I gave it a shot. Here is the result:


Hobo Sam

Sam rode in the hay of the box car with the skin of livestock
From Kansas city to Orleans
Nursing the smell of dung from his wool coat
Half asleep rocked by the train
Half awake jolted by the gaps between wrought tracks

Hunger kept him company
His death face appearing
Stubble filling the sunken spaces

Children and spouses were left like stations several stops back
In the days that appeared through cracks in the sliding doors
And the nights that swallowed him whole

He used to hum to pass the time
But he only remembered one chorus of one tune
And the sound of “Oh Suzannah” made him remember the miles
So he stopped and practiced smiling.

Sam rode in the hay from Orleans to Kansas City
Hiding with the sheep
Hands in their dung
Half asleep smothered by wool
Half awake waiting for the doors to open in daylight.

Dysphoric Social Attention Consumption Deficit Anxiety Disorder Discombobulates Consumers

An Australian artist has created a fake drug ironically called "Havidol" to treat Dysphoric Social Attention Consumption Deficit Anxiety Disorder (DSACDAD) as a satire of pharmaceutical ad campaigns, and consumers seem to believe it's a real product for a real illness! The artist, Justine Cooper, was going for a subtle spoof to draw people in and it looks like it worked. You have to wonder though about medication that is available in both tablet and suppository form...


I especially like the disclaimer:

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION
Problems can be avoided if you take HAVIDOL only when you are able to immediately benefit from its effects. To fully benefit from HAVIDOL patients are encouraged to engage in activities requiring exceptional mental, motor, and consumptive coordination. HAVIDOL is not for you if you have abruptly stopped using alcohol or sedatives. Havidol should be taken indefinitely. Side effects may include mood changes, muscle strain, extraordinary thinking, dermal gloss, impulsivity induced consumption, excessive salivation, hair growth, markedly delayed sexual climax, inter-species communication, taste perversion, terminal smile, and oral inflammation. Very rarely users may experience a need to change physicians.
Talk to your doctor about HAVIDOL

I think it says something about our culture when we believe a pill can provide something intangible and inherently spiritual. Do we really believe the right chemical combination in our brains can give us fulfillment?

Back in the Day...

...Things were simpler. The air was cleaner, the people friendlier, and the hairstyles... well the hairstyles had a life of their own. Ask BuggaSG who is located somewhere in this view to nostalgia...