the face on the stairs

there is a face that rests on the stairs
balanced on the oak banister
it observes and watches the tv i watch
it is waiting for me to see

i close the blinds to keep out the heat
even though summer is ending
even though the foliage is thick and the branches have grown
i close the blinds to keep out the heat

hours dwindle into minutes seconds
the days into hours
the months into days
and again again time is a sink of water emptying

taken twice daily, swallowed
suffering can give life meaning
just as ground glass from light, heat, eaten twice
only some sand burnt into clarity

a hate lives close to this jar
close to the bus rides with mother
close to the car rides with the ex
close to my hands clenched

smells of burning signal the end
smoldering self sorrow
puffs of hot air, smoke rings signal
stay away stay away stay away

there is a reason to turn the lights off
night lies like a dark line
wormed in iron red soil
rolled in perpetual prayer crying,
"i want to die
i want to live
i want to emerge
i want to disappear"

there is a face that watches from the stairs
it waits for me to go up.